His story: My father is a very strict man and everyone knows that he cannot take no for an answer. Yes, he is a typical Indian chauvinist for whom the daughter can never be wrong but the daughter-in-law is put through tests. I had given my wife a heads-up about him before marriage. I told her that we will move to another country in 2 years at max so she has to put up with this only for the given time period. I was very clear that we need to save up so we cannot stay on rent until then. My wife feels I am spineless when it comes to facing dad but the truth is, we need to co-exist for a while and this is the only way. It is just a matter of 2 years and then we can do what we like but I see my wife cry so many times, and run away to her parents every other day because she cannot take it… I don’t know what to do in this given situation. Please help.
Expert advice by Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach at Predictions For Success:
Treating women as showpieces and brushing their sense of originality with so-called rules and regulations is not shocking in a patriarchal system.
For Her
We are immensely sorry that you have to go through this disturbing situation, even though you are nowhere wrong in this. The only suggestion we have is “take a stand”. First of all, your sartorial choices are not the testimony of your character. You as a free individual are allowed to wear whatever you feel like. Your father-in-law must be the authority in your house but he does not own anyone’s desire. Your husband is reluctant to confront the issue with his father since the conversation would go awkward. But as a victim of such hypocrisy, you definitely can be vocal about it. Do not involve in an argument where you would go overboard to disrespect him. Yet with utmost humility, you can dress the issue. Why does your sister-in-law enjoy the privilege of her dressing choices and why can you not? Confront with all the patience. Make him understand that you live in the 21st century where girls are not objects to be protected. You are free, and you know what is right and what is wrong. He should not discriminate between you and his daughter because you are his daughter right now.
For Him
The strange thing is even though you know your father is wrong in this scenario, you do not want to confront him. Yes, he is your father. We are not asking you to fight with him. Just make him understand the issue. Here you are not advocating for short dresses, you are taking a stand for your wife’s dignity. The autonomy your sister enjoys, the same should be for your wife. As a grown-up lady, she knows her limits, she knows where to draw a line. Any of your male members in the family, can not treat women as a matter of conventional pride in the home. They are free, and so are your sisters, and your wife. Moreover, this discrimination in itself is absurd. Why are the rules lenient for daughters and strict for daughters-in-law?
